The Mysterious Booster

A.K.A: The Mysterious Booster takes on many shapes, sizes, genders and identities.

Super-tools used by The Mysterious Booster.

Superhero Slogan:  Do you need a boost?

Powers:  The Mysterious Booster aids stranded motorists by bringing their dead vehicles back to life.  S/he possesses the astounding ability to channeling electricity from one vehicle to another through her/his "Jumper" or "Booster" Cables.  S/he is usually a complete stranger to the person in need. Limitations:  The Mysterious Booster often forgets the super-sequence for connecting her/his Cables to the dead vehicle.  Although The Mysterious Booster can channel electricity through the Cables, s/he can be severely injured by an unplanned electrical transmission or a battery explosion. Status: Hero. Interesting Facts:

• If the discharged battery is cracked, has a low electrolyte level, or is frozen, a jump start should not be attempted. 
• In the United States in 1994, a research note by the National Highway Traffic Safety Association estimated that about 442 persons were injured by exploding batteries while attempting a jump-start
• In an extreme case, it is possible to crank and start a vehicle with no battery in it if the cables are heavy-duty. Cranking current drawn through light-gauge cables will damage them by overheating.

***RED ALERT*** The Idler

In a rare first, "There are superheroes" is asking for your help to defeat one of the most vicious, pervasive villains of our time: The Idler. A.K.A: The Idler has the potential to influence any vehicle owner: friends, relatives, even yourself. The Idler's true identity is unknown.

The Idler is so dangerous, s/he has prompted a government campaign against him/her.

Powers: In spite of the damage caused to vehicles and the environment by the Idler, s/he persists. It is suspected that the Idler has the power to brainwash ordinary vehicle owners into leaving their vehicles running. The idler uses brainwashing techniques known as "misinformation" and "false justification". The Idler can strike anywhere, any time, without being seen by the affected individual. Limitations: The Idler only has powers over the drivers of vehicles with internal combustion engines. Status: Without question, the Idler is a villain. Super-Slogan: "I'll only be gone for a minute." Interesting Facts:

• Every day, the Idler is responsible for the senseless consumption of 1,600,000 L of fuel.
• If every driver of a light-duty vehicle in Canada could overcome the powers of the Idler, we would prevent more than 3,800 tonnes of carbon dioxide from entering the atmosphere.
• Children are particularly vulnerable to the Idler's schemes – they breathe faster than adults and inhale more air per pound of body weight. Health Canada estimates that more than 5,000 Canadians die prematurely each year because of air pollution. Many of those deaths are attributable to the Idler.

How to Defeat:

• Nobody sees the idler when s/he is using his/her powers, but it is easy to tell if you have become a target because, even when you know that you should turn off your vehicle, you will catch yourself having thoughts like:
• "The engine is cold - I'll just let it warm up." (Idling is not an effective way to warm up your vehicle, even in cold weather. The best way to do this is to drive the vehicle. With today's modern engines, you need no more than 30 seconds of idling on winter days before driving away.)
• "It's cold outside. I'll keep the engine running so the heater can warm up the inside of my vehicle." (Suck it up. Don't let the Idler's wimpy justification sway you.)
• "It's hot outside. I'll keep the engine running so the air conditioning can cool off the inside of my vehicle." (Suck it up. Don't let the Idler's wimpy justification sway you.)
• "I'm only stepping out for a second. It's not good for the engine if I keep turning it on and off." (Idling can actually damage your engine components, including cylinders, spark plugs and exhaust systems.)
• "It uses more gas to start the car than it does to keep it running." (Idling for more than 10 seconds costs more than turning off your engine.)
• If you catch yourself having these thoughts as you prepare to leave your vehicle, use every ounce of self-control that you possess and take your keys out of the ignition, storing them in a secure pocket or purse. If you leave your keys in the ignition, the Idler has won.
• If you catch a friend, family member or stranger leaving or returning to an idling vehicle, point to them and shout as loudly and scornfully as you can: "IDLER! IDLER!" By doing so, you are letting the afflicted know that they are under the influence of the Idler and will scare the Idler's brainwashing out of their subconscious mind.
• Under no circumstances should you attempt to apprehend the Idler.

A well-intentioned government-sponsered advertisement that erroneously assumes that the vehicle 's driver has control over whether or not his/her vehicle gets turned off.

Many thanks to Mark Koepke of Smells Like Yukon for bringing the nefarious Idler to our attention.

The Mighty Two-Four

A.K.A: Kiefer Sutherland, "Jack Bauer"

The Mighty Two-Four, making his grand-pappy proud.

Powers: The Mighty Two-Four's powers come from the consumption of millions of complex molecules known to a select few as "Ethyl Alcohol", sometimes referred to as "The Booze". "The Booze" gives the Mighty Two-Four a sense of euphoria, unhindered confidence and invulnerability, which enables him to:

• Be the life of any party,
• Swerve his vehicle all over the road without fear of accident or injury,
• Attack offending Christmas Trees,
• And much, much more...
  The Mighty Two-Four, attacking an offending Christmas Tree

The Mighty Two-Four gets his name from the number's special significance in his life. Limitations: While the Mighty Two-Four's special molecules give him his great powers, consuming too many can be dangerous. In large quantities, "The Booze" acts as a central nervous system depressant, producing at progressively higher doses impaired sensory and motor function, slowed cognition, stupefaction, unconsciousness and even death.¹ There are rumours that the Mighty Two-Four might be addicted to "The Booze" Super-Slogan: "I've done some stupid things. You have to take responsibility, go, 'That was embarrassing,' and move forward as best you can." Status: It is a matter of personal opinion whether or not Mr. Swift is a hero or villain. Interesting Facts:

• The Mighty Two-Four is the son of Donald Sutherland and Shirley Douglas.
• The Mighty Two-Four is the grandson of "The Greatest Canadian", Tommy Douglas
• The Mighty Two-Four was arrested early September 25, 2007 on misdemeanor drunk driving charges (his second time since another incident in 2004) after failing a field sobriety test. He was pulled over at around 1:10 a.m. in West Los Angeles, where he tested over the state's legal blood alcohol limit and later released on $25,000 bail.
• On October 9th, 2007 The Mighty Two-Four pled no contest to the DUI charge and agreed to complete the 48 day jail sentence in a prison in December 2007, including Christmas and his 41st birthday.The Mighty Two-Four officially began his jail term sentence as of the 6th of December 2007.

The Allegator

A.K.A: Karlheinz Schreiber

The Allegator, hard at work.

Powers: Through the skillful use of allegations, The Allegator manipulates the political and media establishments. His skills have damaged the reputations of at least two former heads of state (deservedly or otherwise): the former Chancellor of Germany, Helmut Kohl, and former Prime Minister of Canada, Brian Mulroney. Limitations: The Allegator has a tendency to over-promise and under-deliver. The Alegator's greatest fear is extradition from Canada. Status: Villain (allegedly). Interesting Facts:

• The Allegator began his career working for the West German intelligence service, Bundesnachrichtendienst.
• After leaving the Bundesnachrichtendienst, the Allegator became an arms dealer, lobbyist and wheeler-dealer.
• The Allegator was a key figure in Canada's Airbus affair, in which he was alleged (and alleges) to have arranged secret commissions to be paid to Brian Mulroney and lobbyist Frank Moores in exchange for then Crown corporation Air Canada's purchase of Airbus jets. The Allegator allegedly (and alleges that he) made $300,000 in cash payments, in three installments, to Brian Mulroney shortly after Mulroney's departure from politics. The Allegator had previously been a key fundraiser in Mulroney's successful campaign to win the 1983 Progressive Conservative leadership convention.
• Mulroney sued the government of Canada for libel, and in early 1997 received a $2.1 million (CAD) settlement and an apology. During an examination under oath, Mulroney claimed that he hardly knew the Allegator, and had had no dealings with him after he stepped down as prime minister in 1993.
• Since 1999, the Allegator has fought extradition to his native Germany, where he is wanted on allegations of fraud, bribery and failure to pay taxes to the German government on $20 million in commissions related to sales in the 1980s of Airbus jets.
• In October 2004, then Canadian Justice Minister Irwin Cotler ordered the Allegator to surrender himself to German authorities. The Allegator, however, remains in Canada, using his allegatory powers to allege that there is a gigantic political scandal and that he holds the information that will expose a great number of politicians - thereby preventing his extradition.

El Barba Grande (The Big Beard)

A.K.A: Fidel Alejandro Castro Ruz, President of Cuba, Comandante en Jefe of the Cuban Armed Forces, "El Caballo" (the horse), "The Giant", "The Grandfather"

El Barba Grande, way back when.

El Barba Grande, not so very long ago.

Powers: El Barba Grande's body is covered by an Amazing Epidermis which has the power to channel amino acids that create proteins, which, in turn, create keratin, which becomes hair. It is suspected that El Barba Grande can grow 120mm of hair from his Amazing Epidermis in a single year! El Barba Grande ("The Big Beard") has used his powers to grow a beard that is recognisable around the world. By using his powers, he has become a world leader and an internationally recognised icon for nearly half a century. Limitations: Some suspect that, without his hair, and especially his beard, El Barba Grande would lose his powers. There are numerous allegations that the CIA, in its attempts to destroy El Barba Grande's powers, have tried exploding cigars and hair loss potions. Others argue that El Barba Grande's Pointing Finger (which is also covered by his Amazing Epidermis - see images above) is also a source of power. Status: It is a matter of personal opinion and political doctrine whether or not El Barba Grande is a hero or villain. Superhero Slogan: "“As I have said before, the ever more sophisticated weapons piling up in the arsenals of the wealthiest and the mightiest can kill the illiterate, the ill, the poor and the hungry, but they cannot kill ignorance, illness, poverty or hunger." Interesting Facts:

• El Barba Grande was, in his early years, a guerilla.
• Fabian Escalante, who was long tasked with protecting the life of El Barba Grande has calculated the exact number of assassination schemes and/or attempts by the CIA to be 638. Some such attempts have included an exploding cigar, a fungal-infected scuba-diving suit, and a mafia-style shooting. One of these attempts was by his ex-lover Marita Lorenz whom he met in 1959. She subsequently agreed to aid the CIA and attempted to smuggle a jar of cold cream containing poison pills into his room. When El Barba Grande realised, he reportedly gave her a gun and told her to kill him but her nerve failed. El Barba Grande once said in regards to the numerous attempts on his life, "If surviving assassination attempts were an Olympic event, I would win the gold medal."

The Incredible Mr. Cool Butter

A.K.A: Bono, Paul David Hewson, KBE

Former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien takes advantage of the Incredible Mr. Cool Butter's powers.

If his powers can work on Mr. Swift, they can work on anyone...

...almost.

Powers: The Incredible Mr. Cool Butter has the power to spread "coolness" to anyone (including the exceptionally "uncool") within in a three metre radius. For this reason, politicians from around the world scramble to be seen with him. The Incredible Mr. Cool Butter uses these opportunities to advocate on behalf of the socially and economically depressed. Limitations: The Incredible Mr. Cool Butter has a sensitivity to light which requires him to wear light-reducing vision gear most of the time. Status: The Incredible Mr. Cool Butter is a hero. Interesting Facts:

• The Incredible Mr. Cool Butter is a three-time Nobel Peace Prize nominee.
• The Incredible Mr. Cool Butter often goes by the name "Bono". He received this name in his youth when the Incredible Mr. Cool Butter and his friends were part of a surrealist street gang called "Lypton Village". The gang had a ritual of nickname-giving. He had several names: first, he was "Steinvic von Huyseman", then just "Huyseman", then "Houseman", then "Bon Murray", "Bono Vox of O'Connell Street", and finally just "Bono". "Bono Vox" is an alteration of Bonavox, a brand of hearing aid. The phrase in Latin translates to "good voice". "Bona Vox" was the name of a hearing aid shop they regularly passed in Dublin. It is said he was nicknamed "Bono Vox" after the shop by his friend because he sang so loudly he seemed to be singing for the deaf. Initially, Bono did not like his name. However, when he learned it loosely translated to "good voice", he accepted it. Hewson has been known as "Bono" since the late seventies, even prior to formation of the band, U2. Although Bono is his stage name, close family and friends also refer to him as Bono, including his wife and fellow band members.

Radiant Man

A.K.A: Bradley "Brad" Pitt

Powers: Radiant Man produces heat that is generated through the consumption of food. Radiant Man's body temperature is around 37^oC and, when he has a fever, can reach 40^oC or more! Within a close enough range, you can actually feel the heat radiating off of Radiant Man's body! It is not uncommon to hear exclamations of "He's hot!" in reference to Radiant Man's powers. Limitations: Radiant Man has a weakness for co-stars. Status: It is a matter of personal opinion whether or not Radiant Man is a hero. Superhero Slogan: "I'm one of those people you hate because of genetics. It is the truth." Interesting Facts:

• In 1995, Pitt was chosen by Empire magazine as one of the 25 sexiest stars in film history. Pitt has also twice been named the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine.

Inflat-O-Man

A.K.A: Tony Robbins, Anthony Robbins, Anthony J. Mahavorik

Inflat-O-Man, striking a super-heroic pose.

Powers: Inflat-O-Man possesses the ability to pump people up. He fills people to the point where they are bursting with exuberance, hope, confidence, commitment, energy and initiative. Inflat-O-Man discovered his abilities after studying the mystical art of Neurolinguistic Programming. A prodigy from early on, he went on to develop his own field of neurolinguistic art known as "Neuroassociative Conditioning". In short, he uses the power of language to alter human behaviour. He has used his powers to make people walk over burning hot coals, part with large sums of money, and many, many other things. Limitations: Inflat-O-Man's powers don't work on people who are smart enough to think for themselves. Status: It is a matter of personal opinion whether or not Inflat-O-Man is a hero or villain. Superhero Slogan: "There's always a way - if you're committed." Interesting Facts:

• In 1994, a routine medical check revealed a tumor in Inflat-O-Man's pituitary gland. Apparently, the tumor was actually an adenoma that had infarcated several years prior. Due to the pressure of the adenoma on his pituitary gland, he had circulating levels of growth hormone several times higher than what would be normal for an adult his age. This had resulted in a subclinical manifestation of the disease known as acromegaly, which doctors told Inflat-O-Man was responsible for his remarkable growth spurts as a teenager, as well as his large hands and feet. After consultation with a number of different physicians, Inflat-O-Man eventually decided not to have the adenoma resected, as it was not causing any clinical manifestations, such as organomegaly or heart valve defects.
• Inflat-O-Man promotes a mainly vegetarian and vegan lifestyle and endorses the views of Robert Young and Natural Hygiene practices regarding the need for an alkaline diet.

The Evader

A.K.A: Orenthal James Simpson, O.J. Simpson, O.J., The Juice.

The Evader puts his evading skills into practice.

Powers: Using a combination of luck, skill, acting, and time, the Evader can get out just about any jam. When he was a teenager, The Evader joined the Persian Warriors, a San Francisco street gang. Two years later, he was incarcerated at the San Francisco Youth Guidance Centre in 1962. It is suspected that the incarceration inspired him to develop his abilities, which he did to become an NFL football player, movie actor, and spokesman. The Evader has used his abilities to:

• dodge football players and become, according to some, as one of the greatest running backs of all time. The Evader gained 11,236 rushing yards, placing him 14th on the NFL's all-time rushing list. The Evader was the first player to run for 2,000 yards in a season which has been done since then, in the NFL's current 16-game season, but The Evader is the only man to accomplish it in 14 games.¹
• escape from his first wife
• be acquitted of the murder of his second wife and her friend, and
• avoid paying $33,500,000 in damages as part of a civil suit.

Limitations: The Evader always escapes, but he doesn't always escape unscathed. His reputation, for example, is somewhat tarnished after the high profile court case in which he was acquitted. Status: Villain, but not according to the U.S. criminal courts. Super-villain Slogan: "I will not rest until the real killers are caught." Interesting Facts:

• From ages three to five, The Evader had to wear home-made braces after contracting rickets.
• The Evader was considered for the lead role in The Terminator, before it was decided audiences might not accept him as a relentless villain, due to his "nice guy" image.
• After the murder of his second wife, The Evader promised to turn himself in to police, but didn't show up at the agreed-upon time. Several hours later his white Ford Bronco was spotted. Up to 100,000,000 people watched as a "low-speed chase" down Interstate 5 was telecast live across America. When he parked at his house, cops waited 45 minutes for him to step out of the car. He had $8,000 in cash, a fake goatee and mustache, his passport, and a loaded pistol.²

Ten Hut

A.K.A: Shannon Elizabeth, Shannon Elisabeth Fadal

Ten Hut, using her powers in the movie "American Pie".

Powers:Ten Hut has the power to make men stand at attention (even against their will). Limitations:For some unknown reason, Ten Hut's powers only work on healthy, heterosexual males. Her powers will diminish as she ages, but it has been reported that video recordings of Ten Hut using her abilities retain their potency despite the passage of time. Status: Although she has not used her powers for any heroic purpose, Ten Hut is considered to be a hero by many of the men whom she has commanded - and not just for her charitable work. Interesting Facts:

• Ten Hut is considered by the media to be "one of the leading celebrity poker players".
• Ten Hut co-founded Animal Avengers, a non-profit animal rescue organization dedicated to rescuing and finding homes for homeless pets, reducing pet overpopulation, promoting responsible pet guardianship and preventing animal cruelty.